Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I Wish I Didn't Know

Feels like the end of something.

Those of you who have followed my blog for a while, no doubt, read the series of posts about my March trip to Florida to visit my lifelong friend, Carol. We enjoyed an unforgettable four days together!

I returned knowing that she and her friend, Dave, were planning a trip here in late May. She was looking forward to visiting her only brother, her granddaughter, and several friends, as well as paying her respects to the gravesites of her parents and other relatives. We’d be getting together, too, of course. Therefore, knowing I’d be seeing her again in a couple of months, it never occurred to me to be the least bit concerned about the possibility of a last good-bye.

My husband and I treated them to dinner at a nice restaurant last night. We enjoyed a leisurely meal, each other’s company, lively conversation and some laughs. It was very nice! Hugging before entering our respective cars, I told her to phone me one last time before leaving for home on Wednesday morning. She said she would.

Waving as we moved away in opposite directions, sadness swept over me. It was that feeling my grandmother used to talk about—the one that arouses fear that this might possibly be the last time you’ll ever see this person to whom you're waving.

Carol and I are not old. But we are at an age when we’ve lost both our grandparents, and our parents. And with them gone, there is no longer a barrier between us and our mortality. We’ve seen many of our high school friends pass as well as others we’ve made along the way. It’s not uncommon to spot familiar names in the obituary several times a week.

To make matters worse, Carol informed me last night that she has a potentially serious health problem and will be having further testing done in June. I wish I didn’t know.

My mind has been occupied all day with thoughts of our past. So many memories. Good and bad. Two lifetimes intertwined. Kindred Spirits!

How could we ever say a final, “Good-bye?”


Anonymous said...

This is a good post peg.. but very sad. I almost cried when I read it.

sam said...

peg, please read your tab that says, About This Blog. you said yourself that you wanted everything to be positive. don't let yourself think any other way about your friend. it'll be fine. sam

Peggy~ said...

Thanks for reminding me, Sam. I needed that.

susan said...

This has been a great friendship. Whatever happens memories last forever. you'll always have them peg. I'm so sorry your sad.

Anonymous said...

sad but as usual you say it so well. better than anyone else could.

jim said...

Anonymous is right peg. Only you could write this with such feeling.