Monday, September 12, 2016

More Thoughts to Ponder

If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball, splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Why are there Interstate highways in Hawaii?
Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
Do people in prison celebrate Halloween.... if so how?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What are the handles for corn on the cob called?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?
How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall, but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?
Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercise?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - is he still wrong?

Sunday, September 11, 2016

A Day of Prayer

Before 9-11

In my little corner of the world today, a warm, sunny day is predicted; a fitting day to bow our heads in prayerful silence and recall what happened on this day fifteen years ago – 9-11-01. It was a beautiful sunny morning, but we will remember only the sheer horror and disbelief we felt as we watched the news media play the shocking scenes over and over again. The memory of it will be passed on to children and grandchildren who weren’t yet born or were too young to remember. Like the memory of Pearl Harbor, it will be passed on and on and on. It shall never be forgotten!

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Big Red and Me

So... I’m driving along on my favorite thoroughfare a little while ago, enjoying a beautiful 68° sunny afternoon – listening to Harold Smith – Uh... Aerosmith on the radio when suddenly, a check in the rear view tells me there’s a big red car on my bumper! The speed limit is 45 on this part of the little country road. I'm  going at least 55, but that's not enough for “Big Red.”

Good Grief! All I wanted to do was drive along listening to music and enjoy a beautiful day. I don’t get out that often. In fact, I get out so seldom that I sometimes forget things that should be second nature to me. When I left the beauty salon, I embarrassed myself by clicking the wrong button to unlock my car door. To my surprise, “Pop” went the trunk!

I felt my face redden as there was a service man getting out of his truck nearby and I knew he’d be thinking – “Ditzy woman!”, but I didn’t give him the chance. I turned on that old, “I meant to do that” attitude as I rummaged around in my trunk for a couple of minutes. The only thing I could find to make the ruse look legitimate was a plastic bag so I grabbed it, shook it hard, making sure the man not only saw it, but also heard it, then I closed the trunk, unlocked my car door with the right button, got in and drove off smiling. J

But, I digress.

Big Red follows me all the way home. I slow down and speed up. Doesn’t matter. He stays right with me until we get to the intersection in my hometown. I go straight and he turns right. I think about turning around and doing the same thing to him – following him as closely as possible for as long as possible, but the thought doesn’t last long. I'm almost home and it's still a lovely day.

And like Harold Smith, I don’t want to miss a thing!