this, she did it her way
By Peggy Toney Horton Special
to the Sunday Gazette-Mail
My mother smoked cigarettes.
She started experimenting when she was about ten years old and was still
pursuing the habit when she died at 85.
many elderly people, the older she got, the more crotchety she became.
Sometimes it was amusing.
After her health began to fail, I, her only
child, had to take her for every doctor appointment. I once took her to her
ophthalmologist for an exam. She had terrible eyesight; already having dealt
with cataract surgery in both eyes and still struggling with poor vision due to
age-related macular degeneration. The doctor became a little short of
patience with her when he asked, “Have you quit smoking?” and she replied, “No,
I haven’t.” His speech went something like
this: “I’ve told you over and over again, Mrs. Toney, you may be able to slow
the progression of your macular degeneration if you stop smoking, but if you
continue, you’re going to be blind!” Trying to look innocent, she said,
“I think they gave me some pills the last time I was in the hospital that made
it worse.” “Oh no, they didn’t!” the doctor
shouted emphatically. “It’s your smoking. You didn’t listen to me
and now, there is nothing more I can do for you!” With that, he turned and stomped
out of the room, leaving us both with gaping mouths. I felt sorry for her and
wanted to run after him and tell him he shouldn’t talk to an elderly lady like
that, especially my mother! But part of me knew he was right.
She needed someone to bring her to her senses so she’d dismount the
self-destructive merry-go-round she was on. She cried pitifully all the way home
in the car. She said, “If I told a doctor my
big toe was hurting, he’d say it’s because I smoke. They blame everything on
smoking!” I stifled a giggle. It
must have seemed so to her. Every doctor wanted her to stop, but she refused. When we reached her house, I helped her out
of the car and into the house. She flung her coat off and plopped down in her
favorite chair. Pulling a tissue out of the box on the table, she dried her
tears and quickly lit a cigarette.
What can I say? This woman who raised me from
a baby had never done anything she didn’t want to do and she wasn’t about to
She was never health-conscious, as people are
today. She ate what she wanted. Drank what she wanted. And never bothered to
exercise except for the work she did. That was plenty. I’ve seen her work like a man and get mad at my father because he didn’t do as
much as she thought he should, even after he’d had a heart attack.
But working served her well until she was
past eighty. It was only then her health began to fail and she had a heart
She fought it all the way, refusing to obey
doctor’s orders. She was sure she knew best. Perhaps she did.
Just before she died, she was on the verge of
a second heart attack and needing another stent, but, according to doctors, she
was too weak for the operation.
She had a broken hip, a broken vertebra, COPD, which is a serious lung disease;
she was deaf and legally blind. On top of all that, she contracted pneumonia,
and it was over.
If ever there was a woman who lived life to
suit herself, it was my mother. She did it “her way” throughout her life.
And why not? She lived to be 85 years of age
without giving up anything she enjoyed.
As I think of her tonight, I can’t help but
wonder how many years she would have lived if she had made even the slightest
effort to take care of herself?
I wish she had.
Peggy Toney Horton lives in Nitro and is a frequent contributor to the Sunday
Gazette-Mail “Write Your Own Column.” She can be contacted via email email@example.com.
Today, the sun shines brightly, the
temperature is 43 degrees where I live and the sky is clear and blue. If it
weren’t so chilly, one could mistake it for a spring day.
And it’s almost Christmas!
In fact, two weeks from today will
be the day after the most special holiday of the year.
“Ah, sweet relief!” some will say.
With all the build-up: shopping,
decorating, cooking, and get togethers, a lot of people will welcome getting
back to normal. Or whatever they perceive as normal. My grandmother used to
say, “Normal is whatever you want it to be.”
I’m still pondering that one.
But I do know this: we still have
two weeks to go at this hectic pace so we may as well put on a smile and try to
enjoy it. For many, that’s more difficult than for others. Those who lost loved
ones during the year are feeling their loss intensely and having trouble facing
what is supposed to be a joyous celebration without that person or persons by
Try to remember, your loved ones
wouldn’t want your life to stop because theirs did. Life must go on. And while
we wait for that wonderful day when we’ll see the people we love again, we
never – not for one moment – forget them!
In the rising of
the sun and in its going down,
We remember them.
In the blowing of
the winds and in the chill of winter,
We remember them.
In the warmth of
the sun and the peace of summer,
We remember them.
In the rustling of
leaves and the beauty of autumn,