Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Top Fifty Oxymorons




50. Act Naturally

49. Found Missing

48. Resident Alien

47. Advanced Basic

46. Genuine Imitation

45. Airline Food

44. Good Grief

43. Same Difference

42. Almost Exactly

41. Government Organization

40. Sanitary Landfill

39. Alone Together

38. Legally Drunk

37. Silent Scream

36. British Fashion

35. Living Dead

34. Small Crowd

33. Business Ethics

32. Soft Rock

31. Butt Head

30. Military Intelligence

29. Software Documentation

28. New York Culture

27. New Classic

26. Sweet Sorrow

25. Childproof

24. “Now, then”…

23. Synthetic Natural Gas

22. Christians Scientists

21. Passive Aggression

20. Taped live

19. Clearly Misunderstood

18. Peace Force

17. Extinct Life

16. Temporary Tax Increase

15. Computer jock

14. Plastic Glasses

13. Terribly Pleased

12. Computer Security

11. Political Science

10. Tight Slacks

  9. Definite Maybe

  8. Pretty Ugly

  7. Twelve Ounce Pound Cake

  6. Diet Ice Cream

  5. Rap Music

  4. Working Vacation

  3. Exact Estimate

  2. Religious Tolerance

AND THE NUMBER ONE TOP OXYMORON

  1. Microsoft Works

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Faux Pas



A friend and I were discussing why we sometimes say things incorrectly even when we know better. It can be funny, but it's usually very embarrassing. I once told a man I was trying to impress that riding the bus to work was “unconvenient.” In two seconds, I realized what I’d said and wished I could take it back, but of course, once it’s out of your mouth, there’s no taking it back! This sweet man immediately made me feel worse, though I'm sure that wasn't his intention; he said, "Yes, it is "uncon... uh, inconvenient." Talk about feeling like a fool!! I think I must have felt a little like Dan Quayle did when he insisted there was an "e" on the end of potato in front of the whole country!

Another time, a friend asked me for the recipe for my homemade cinnamon rolls. She was in a hurry, so I scribbled it down as fast as I could, abbreviating where possible, and handed it to her. Later that day, she phoned me laughing. She said, "I was looking over your recipe and I promise to knead the "doe" for five minutes." We giggled for quite a while and many times after that. I've lost touch with this friend, but I'm sure she still smiles when she remembers that incident or makes the cinnamon rolls.

This friend I was having the conversation with said, after a fairly long engagement, she decided she wasn’t ready for marriage. Not having the courage to tell the young man to his face, she wrote him a letter. He was so hurt and angry when he got it that he came to see her. Waving the letter in her face, he told her what a dirty trick it was for her to string him along like that. He then dropped the letter at her feet and left. Glancing at it as she picked it up, she was aghast to see that she had written, “I’m sorry, I know you’ll hate me, but I can’t ‘merry’ you.” Making this even worse was the fact that she was a school teacher!

Who knows why our thinking goes off-track sometimes? Perhaps it's fate's way of keeping us from getting too sure of ourselves; of letting us know we’re still capable of making mistakes no matter how much education or experience we have.

Or maybe it’s just a way of teaching us to relax and laugh at ourselves once in a while—and not take life too seriously.


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Twenty-Four Little Hours



Yesterday was so dark that I turned lights on all over the house and today, I almost need my sunglasses inside. The drastic difference made me think of an old song called, What a Difference a Day Makes. Maybe some of you remember it, too. It goes something like this: 

What a difference a day makes
Twenty-four little hours
Brought the sun and the flowers
Where there used to be rain

My mother used to sing it as she did her housework. It made me happy to hear my mother sing. She could actually carry a tune, too. And so could all of her siblings. I used to like nothing better than being at my grandmother’s house on a Saturday night when my uncles and aunts got together with their guitars and sang for hours. There was always lots of laughter, food and fun! After I was married and had a family of my own, I’d take my children for visits to my grandmother’s, too. That was many years ago, but their eyes still sparkle when they reminisce about those family song fests. Experiences that bring that much happiness live in the memory forever! Thankfully, the miserable ones seem to dim with the passing of time.

I’m afraid I didn’t inherit my mother’s vocal chords; certain people actually ask me not to sing! It’s the truth! The only time I can exercise my desire to belt out a song is when I’m by myself. Sometimes, when I’m alone in my car, I put on a favorite CD, make sure all the windows are up, and sing along at the top of my crackly voice to my heart’s content. Now and then, I enjoy myself so much that I take the long way home so I have more time for singing. I once had a dog  that barked at me every time I sang. How insulting that was!

Christmas Caroling?  No way!  I can go along, but only if I just move my mouth or hum. The same goes for church; I can lip-sync all I want, but no singing aloud for me!


But on this beautiful sunny day, it’s difficult to keep from singing. I’m alone, the cat’s asleep – and no one will hear me...  “What a Difference a Day makes... twenty-four little hours...”  





Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Same Road ~ Different Season



Today, I had an opportunity to travel the same country road that I wrote about months ago.  It was October when last I marveled at the beautiful scenery as I drove along this country road on a perfect, sunny fall day reminiscing about my past. In one place, lush, green, trees stood tall like soldiers on either side of the road leaning over just enough to touch at the top. This made that area much darker, like a tunnel.

What a difference four months makes! This road less traveled is still beautiful, but in a different way. It was cloudy today. The abundant trees along the road that were clothed in magnificent colors in October are now bare. Totally naked. But somehow, they’re not unattractive. Many of them are white birch trees which have a glow of their very own, though not as dazzling as red, orange and yellow leaves by any means.

When I approached what has become “my tunnel” in my mind, it was interesting to see that the naked trees on each side of the road were interspersed with evergreen trees - unnoticed in the fall - that made the area seem a little less drab. And yet, there was still a slight sense of traveling through a tunnel, especially when I finally emerged from the dim shadows of the tall trees.

The gray skies didn’t show off the old farm homes with their tin roofs to their best advantage, nor the bright red door on the white country church with the tall steeple, and I didn’t see the friendly old farmer bouncing along on his tractor, or the children frolicking with the big black dog, but I did see cattle grazing on the grassy knoll as I had in October. Of course cattle, unlike people, couldn’t care less whether the skies are sunny or gray.

I enjoyed my journey almost as much as before. Traveling on this lovely country road relaxes me like nothing else, no matter what the season. You should see how spectacular it is when it snows! 
~~~
If you missed my first story about this country road, you can see it here. You can catch the next one here.



Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Dying Art?


When a friend mentioned today that she had just finished crocheting a couple of items, it brought back a lot of memories. As far back as I can remember, I watched my grandmother, great-grandmother and mother crochet. I thought it looked so impossible to take that strange looking object in your hand, poke around with thread attached to it and end up with beautiful objects like doilies, afghans and baby clothes. I was sure it was a talent I didn’t possess and would never even try to master. But sometime in my thirties, I told my mother I’d like to learn. She was pleasantly surprised because she hoped the art wouldn’t die out of the family any time soon. All the women in her family had been talented at all kinds of handiwork. Her mother and grandmother had sewn, tatted, embroidered, and crocheted for as long as she could remember.

So when I went to her house one evening, picked up a crochet hook and bright orange yarn, my favorite color, and said, “I’m ready,” my mother showed me how to crochet a chain. That accomplished, we proceeded with the first few rounds of a granny square, and before I went home that evening, I had finished one whole granny square with her guidance. At home, I kept at it day after day – making more of the squares until I had enough to make a small afghan. My mother was shocked! With a few instructions over the phone, I was able, in the next few days, to attach the squares to each other and make a border around the whole thing ending up with what I thought was a beautiful afghan.  Looking back, I know that it was a little rough, but the point is, with very little help, I made an afghan. It was almost as if I was born knowing how to crochet. I went on to crochet everything. I made more afghans, baby blankets and booties, sweaters for my young daughters, which they loved, and pillow covers. You name it—I crocheted it!

I, like my mother, hate to see the art die out in our family but fear it will. Although I have three daughters, not one of them is interested. Unless a granddaughter decides to take it up, it will end with me in this family.
My favorite thing is baby afghans. Each grandchild has always received one from me. In recent years, there have been a few that were a little more challenging than granny squares or other easy patterns. It never mattered to me. If someone requested something special, I’d tackle it. I’d like to share a couple.

To the left is one is one of my all-time favorites: The Panda. This one was done for a grandson fifteen years ago.

Below: Made for a premature grandchild four years ago. The bright color scheme - purple and green was her mother's idea. When she requested it, I thought, "Yuck!" But it turned out pretty well.
 Then Izzy's little sister was on the way and her mother chose even brighter colors: Orange and pink!  Put on your sunglasses.



I seem to be at a standstill at this time. Perhaps it's time for another grandchild! Dani?

   (The picture at the top is a matching afghan and pillow that I made for my oldest daughter some years ago.)



Friday, February 4, 2011

From Closet to Closet


I’ve been cleaning and organizing closets. And not a minute too soon! For the past three years, it has been almost dangerous to open a closet door in my house. Every January first, I make the same New Year’s resolution—to reorganize every closet in my house! But there is always something more important to do... or at least I convince myself there is. However, one day last week, I decided to work on some craft projects, but I couldn’t remember where I had stored my box of craft supplies. Thus began a search of the first, and worst, closet. Hoping I could take out only a few containers in the front and find the items, I began. By the time I found them, I had reached the back of the closet and only a few bags of odds and ends remained.

Since everything was out in the middle of the floor, it made sense to go through it, get rid of what I no longer needed and put it back in a neater manner, therefore creating more room and, more importantly, making the closet look much nicer. After working two days and having to go shopping to purchase stackable plastic containers, the job was beginning to feel a little overwhelming. It’s surprising how much time it takes when your cleaning becomes a trip down memory lane each time you uncover an item that you haven’t seen for several years. It went something like this: “How could I possibly get rid of this?  My mother gave it to me on my fortieth birthday! Oh, look! The kids pooled their money to buy this for me one Mother’s Day. Here’s an old picture I’d forgotten about; it was taken on the Fourth of July. Have to keep that! I haven’t worn this old blouse for a long time. I’ll put it in the Goodwill box... no wait; on second thought, I’ve always liked it. Maybe I will wear it again.” And so it went... 

Many memories and difficult decisions later, the closet was finally finished... and I had found my craft supplies. Mission accomplished! 

Seeing that closet so neat made me want to move on to the second. So with a bit of enthusiasm about the possible discovery of more old treasures, I began. That room was a mess for another two days and I had to go out and purchase more storage boxes, but it was finally finished, too. What a good feeling!

Those two closets now look so nice that I find myself opening the doors several times a day just to enjoy their brand new tidiness! I plan to keep at it until I get the other six closets done. No doubt it will take a while, but it'll be worth it. Eventually, I may be spending a good part of my day just going from closet to closet to admire my accomplishments. Or not.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Bits and Pieces

                        A flower, a tree,
A bird
     A dream, a prayer unheard;
A meadow, daisies yellow
Music, very mellow;
Uncertainty, tears,
A smile 
    A loved one with you all the while.
       The beauty of the night,
                    The moon
                   A lovers' fight.
               The making up next day,
The smell of new-mown hay,
The calmness of the sea,
The turmoil inside of me,
Love, hatred,
Jealousy, fear,
  A new beginning every year
Bits and Pieces large and small
    Present God's blessings to us all!
                             ~PTH